Worst-case scenario handbook
The Dancers Survival Guide
By Trish Champion
Anyone who has ever danced in public, but outside the safety of a hafla will know how this goes:
You are asked to dance at an event of some kind (summer fair, garden party etc).
"Its ok" they say, we've had dancers before.
So you assume they know about things like a sound system that plays CD's, or electricity for a CD player, and the need for somewhere to change, and somewhere to dance.
You arrive. If its outdoors, the chances are that if there is electricity, the band has already taken up all the plugs, and wont let you plug the CD player in, or use their sound system. If you have already been assured that they have someone to do the sound, this person will either press play before you are ready to dance, or after you have turned round to ask them what the problem is. They will be unable to select the right track on the CD, even if you already cued it up for them. This is also true if there is only one track on the CD. The sound will not be turned up so anyone (including you) can hear the music until halfway through the track. These mysterious occurrences do not affect the band or any other dance group who happen to be performing at the event. The band playing before you refuse to end their set.
The changing facilities are a single small toilet cubicle. If you're really lucky the public won't be using it as well. There is nowhere to leave your street clothes while you dance.
The dance space is about the same size as a kitchen table. Its next to the funfair so no-one can hear the music anyway. You spent hours working out a great set for your group only to discover that one person at a time can dance, and there isn't actually room to move off the spot. Or you're dancing in the end of a 14' marquee which is already full of the band. Or on the back of a curtainside lorry 10' off the ground. Lets not discuss the set of steps required to get up there....Or on a tarmac car park next to a fire engine which departs during your performance. Complete with blue lights and two-tones.
Shall we go into the different surfaces you could be asked to perform on? Wet, splintery wood. With metal runners through it that used to be painted till most of it flaked off. Wet grass. Long wet grass. Wet grass with BIG holes in. Dry grass with furrows in. Diagonally. Coconut matting which disguises the holes. A plywood dance floor covered in beer and wet grass and muddy footprints. How about the weather..... Gale force winds, pouring rain, blistering sun...
There is no published programme of events, or public announcement, so no-one knows you are dancing, and your audience is either passers by, inattentive viewers of the dog show or the staff of the burger van. They got your name wrong on the programme and everyone thinks you are dancing to Michael Jackson's Thriller.
They ask you to arrive when the event starts at 10am, then tell you your set is at 4pm.
Indoor events are also fraught with difficulty.
The electricity and music issues are the same.
So are the changing facilities, although this time you are guaranteed that the public will be using the toilet as it's the only one in the building. There may well be more than one cubicle, but they won't be any bigger. Really.
The dance space is 40' long, 20' wide and your audience consists of 14 people who have apparently fallen out and are all sitting 10' away from each other. Or it's a huge marquee filled with people having a birthday party, the dance space is 6' square but has a tent pole in the middle. There is an additional dance space 40' long and 18'' wide (if everyone sits facing the table), which you are expected to use as the birthday person is at the other end....
The dance space is in the middle of a restaurant. Its 8' square, surrounded by diners, and regularly crossed by the wait staff as it's the only route to the kitchen. Service is not suspended while you dance. You watch in horror as the greek dancers on before you leap about slapping their boots while skilfully avoiding waiters with heavily laden trays.
The only people who know you are there to dance are the organisers of the event. Everyone else is waiting for the bingo to start, or the raffle. They don't know who you are, or why you are there and care even less. The moment you are finished, they race past you to turn the karaoke machine back on.
You think I'm joking? Every single one of these things has happened at an event I have danced at, although fortunately not all at the same time.
Let me tell you what happens next.
The music (eventually) starts.
Your Barbie smile turns into a real one as the sound seeps back into your soul and fills your heart with happiness.
You dance as if nothing is wrong, you know all the steps, you forget nothing except the music and the dance.
You give the performance of your life, smiling at everyone, even if they aren't looking.
And when its over.............. you want to do it all again.
And again.
The moral of the story? Take nothing too seriously,including especially yourself.
The Dancers Survival Guide
By Trish Champion
Anyone who has ever danced in public, but outside the safety of a hafla will know how this goes:
You are asked to dance at an event of some kind (summer fair, garden party etc).
"Its ok" they say, we've had dancers before.
So you assume they know about things like a sound system that plays CD's, or electricity for a CD player, and the need for somewhere to change, and somewhere to dance.
You arrive. If its outdoors, the chances are that if there is electricity, the band has already taken up all the plugs, and wont let you plug the CD player in, or use their sound system. If you have already been assured that they have someone to do the sound, this person will either press play before you are ready to dance, or after you have turned round to ask them what the problem is. They will be unable to select the right track on the CD, even if you already cued it up for them. This is also true if there is only one track on the CD. The sound will not be turned up so anyone (including you) can hear the music until halfway through the track. These mysterious occurrences do not affect the band or any other dance group who happen to be performing at the event. The band playing before you refuse to end their set.
The changing facilities are a single small toilet cubicle. If you're really lucky the public won't be using it as well. There is nowhere to leave your street clothes while you dance.
The dance space is about the same size as a kitchen table. Its next to the funfair so no-one can hear the music anyway. You spent hours working out a great set for your group only to discover that one person at a time can dance, and there isn't actually room to move off the spot. Or you're dancing in the end of a 14' marquee which is already full of the band. Or on the back of a curtainside lorry 10' off the ground. Lets not discuss the set of steps required to get up there....Or on a tarmac car park next to a fire engine which departs during your performance. Complete with blue lights and two-tones.
Shall we go into the different surfaces you could be asked to perform on? Wet, splintery wood. With metal runners through it that used to be painted till most of it flaked off. Wet grass. Long wet grass. Wet grass with BIG holes in. Dry grass with furrows in. Diagonally. Coconut matting which disguises the holes. A plywood dance floor covered in beer and wet grass and muddy footprints. How about the weather..... Gale force winds, pouring rain, blistering sun...
There is no published programme of events, or public announcement, so no-one knows you are dancing, and your audience is either passers by, inattentive viewers of the dog show or the staff of the burger van. They got your name wrong on the programme and everyone thinks you are dancing to Michael Jackson's Thriller.
They ask you to arrive when the event starts at 10am, then tell you your set is at 4pm.
Indoor events are also fraught with difficulty.
The electricity and music issues are the same.
So are the changing facilities, although this time you are guaranteed that the public will be using the toilet as it's the only one in the building. There may well be more than one cubicle, but they won't be any bigger. Really.
The dance space is 40' long, 20' wide and your audience consists of 14 people who have apparently fallen out and are all sitting 10' away from each other. Or it's a huge marquee filled with people having a birthday party, the dance space is 6' square but has a tent pole in the middle. There is an additional dance space 40' long and 18'' wide (if everyone sits facing the table), which you are expected to use as the birthday person is at the other end....
The dance space is in the middle of a restaurant. Its 8' square, surrounded by diners, and regularly crossed by the wait staff as it's the only route to the kitchen. Service is not suspended while you dance. You watch in horror as the greek dancers on before you leap about slapping their boots while skilfully avoiding waiters with heavily laden trays.
The only people who know you are there to dance are the organisers of the event. Everyone else is waiting for the bingo to start, or the raffle. They don't know who you are, or why you are there and care even less. The moment you are finished, they race past you to turn the karaoke machine back on.
You think I'm joking? Every single one of these things has happened at an event I have danced at, although fortunately not all at the same time.
Let me tell you what happens next.
The music (eventually) starts.
Your Barbie smile turns into a real one as the sound seeps back into your soul and fills your heart with happiness.
You dance as if nothing is wrong, you know all the steps, you forget nothing except the music and the dance.
You give the performance of your life, smiling at everyone, even if they aren't looking.
And when its over.............. you want to do it all again.
And again.
The moral of the story? Take nothing too seriously,